By Holon Staff Writer Brandon Cook
Writer... Model... Vigilante: it would seem that the authoress of “Viscountess” is set on creating a persona that she can call totally and wholeheartedly her own. Last week, Holon Publishing attempted to delve into the heart of the secret life of Taversia in seventeen questions (or bust).
INTERVIEWER: If you could choose any ideal fantasy world to live in, what world would that be?
TAVERSIA: I have had a dream about this since as far back as I can remember. It would be me riding sidesaddle over this serpent, or some sort of phoenix, in the sky. Just riding it through the clouds, and there’s this castle below me, with these green rolling meadows, and the sky is blue, with a waterfall in the distance. And suddenly I throw myself from this phoenix that I’m riding and I’m just slowly falling watching the ground come closer and closer to me and everything below me is this lush land with all these fantasy beings…and I’m coming towards them. The dream in my head was always to become apart of that land…apart of that reality.
INTERVIEWER: How many McDonalds do you think there are in Indiana?
INTERVIEWER: Nuclear destruction, alien invasion, or zombie apocalypse?
TAVERSIA: Zombie apocalypse. Because they’re f@cking awesome.
INTERVIEWER: I saw the cover of Viscountess, with the big key. Does that take any inspiration from Kingdom Hearts?
TAVERSIA: I get that all the time, and the answer is no. I actually found the key—the key exists—from a thrift store. I bought it for 99 cents. That key is really that size. That was the big inspiration, really. It played a significant part in my idea for the story.
INTERVIEWER: If you were to have a duel to the death with any person, living or dead, who would it be?
TAVERSIA: See, that’s not something that you can really just think of offhand. You have to consider: what’s a challenge, but not so challenging that it would be out of my physical power completely?
INTERVIEWER: It can also be, like, a political statement, for all those people out—
TAVERSIA: I’d fight V. V for Vendetta. Because I love him and I respect him. And I feel that he could make me a better person. And I think he’d give me an honorable death.
INTERVIEWER: Which conspiracy theory do you think most likely to be true?
TAVERSIA: I don’t pay too much attention to conspiracy theories. Perhaps the Big Bang, how it all came to be? That's not really a conspiracy theory though, is it...
INTERVIEWER: If one moment you woke up to find yourself transformed into an animal, what animal would that be and why?
TAVERSIA: A porcupine. Because whenever anyone wants ‘dat ass, I can always back ‘dat ass up, and then suddenly they’d have a face full of quills instead of ‘dat ass.
INTERVIEWER: We’re having this conversation when suddenly a moose walks through the door wearing a bowler hat and monocle. What’s the first thing you say?
TAVERSIA: Some kind of club.
INTERVIEWER: If I gave you one million dollars with the stipulation that you had to buy only one thing with it and you couldn’t donate it to charity, what would that be?
TAVERSIA: The world’s biggest underwater village. I would construct it. Like the one that’s the underwater equivalent to the Smurfs; I think they're called the Snorks.
INTERVIEWER: What’s your favorite dish to cook?
TAVERSIA: I believe it’s called Italian Wedding. It’s a soup. My best friend taught me how to make it.
INTERVIEWER: What two celebrities would you choose to be your parents?
TAVERSIA: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
INTERVIEWER: You’re sitting in a crowded movie theatre when suddenly, halfway through the film, your phone rings. For some reason, the silence button is stuck and you can’t switch it off. What do you do?
TAVERISA: Throw it. Arbitrarily in the distance. Because that would be humiliating and I’d rather lose my phone than be in that situation. I’d probably say something to the effect of “phones in the theatre are rude” and then everyone in the theatre would think that it was someone else’s that I ripped from their hand. Obviously I would garner applause for that feat.
INTERVIEWER: What sexy icon do you find that you most resemble: a nurse, a librarian, a schoolteacher, or a nun?
TAVERSIA: All of the above, with an emphasis on nun. One of my sexy photo shoots actually had me dressed as a nun.
INTERVIEWER: Why the nun?
TAVERSIA: I went to a private Catholic school for a portion of my middle school/high school era and it left a very big imprint on me. (Raises forehead, assumes snooty tone) I believe I sexualize it as a coping mechanism to deal with the traumas that came of living through the Catholic school system.
INTERVIEWER: Assuming that your second life is that of a crime-fighting vigilante, what article of clothing is essential for your uniform?
TAVERSIA: I’ve done this before. The article was the breastplate. Not bulletproof or revealing. The costume was pretty tight though. I looked pretty good in it; I felt that the pants hugged my ass quite nicely.
INTERVIEWER: So every superhero needs a good ass-hugging breastplate?
TAVERSIA: We’ll go with that. I like that better.
INTERVIEWER: Any one song, it can be a Disney song, to summarize your life?
TAVERSIA: The one Megara sings in Hercules. “I Won’t Say I'm In Love.”
INTERVIEWER: If you could rate the preceding questions on a scale from 1 to 5 what would you give them?
TAVERSIA: I am… one for room for improvement in the same way that an art teacher never gives out A+’s.
INTERVIEWER: Was that meant as a buffer so that the answer doesn’t hurt my feelings?
TAVERSIA: It’s a five. I just wanted to comment on how much I disliked those teachers with their "art is subjective" nonsense.
Mute and psychologically disturbed, the sheltered daughter of a sky ship captain prefers to keep to herself; but a mysterious cloaked man has different plans for her. She is plunged headlong into a quest to recover twelve lost gemstones scattered about a ravaged earth with the power to unlock a legendary castle in the sky.
Equipped only with her family’s heirloom key and the mark of her noble birthright, she embarks on a journey of passion, danger, and self-discovery through the barren lands of a post-apocalyptic world. Lines become blurred as she grows to find that things are not always what they seem, and some things are only as real as you make them…